Well, 40 came and went. I didn't get struck by a mighty thunderbolt. I didn't have all 6 of my friends jump out and throw a surprise party for me (thank god).
But I did have a good time turning 40; better than I expected.
And maybe that's because I got two gifts I'd been seeking for years.
The first was from the ex. She texted me HAPPY BIRTHDAY! on Friday morning. My reply: I don't feel old ... and where's my fricking present.
Her gift to me: You are old ... and you present is not having me as your nagging wife for the next 40 years!!!
Sounds like a MasterCard commercial to me.
The other present was nearly two decades in the making and involved perhaps the first true lover of my life. Karen, KB for short, has a Sept. 10 birthday. She's now 40, too. I called her out of the blue on Wednesday to wish her a happy one. We got to talking. She's married with three kids about the same age as mine. She's in a loveless marriage. She feels stuck.
But that wasn't really vindication. That, actually, sucks.
No the present came when she said that her life's biggest regret was not coming back to me. Not that I'm anything more than a booby prize, but I think she always knew how much I loved her. He, apparently, doesn't. KB said she realized about a year into her marriage that she'd made a mistake, that she wanted to tell me, but by that time I was already dating the future-former-Mrs. Williams and that KB didn't want to mess things up.
KB even admitted to parking outside Raley's (where I worked graveyards) on the night before she sent her wedding invitations out trying to muster the courage to knock on the window, seek me out and figure out where it would lead.
Which leads to one of the most prophetic quotes of all time: "It's better to regret something you've done, than something you haven't done."
While there's too much time passed for me to even think about KB, the thoughts did drift into the "what ifs" this weekend on the beach. To think about how much different my life would have been is staggering.
But I'm not complaining. I'm happy where I am -- something I don't think I realized before 40. Yes, there is work to do, things to tend to, flaws to fix. But, by and large, life is good.
The final birthday present was the best: a "surprise" party from my boys in our Arcata hotel room. Instead of my six friends, it was thrown by my three favorite people.
Who could ask for more?
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